There are three categories of negatives that tend to prevent goal attainment and three more that reinforce the desire to remain status quo. All of them are experience-based and self-constructed.

       Negative belief is the first of the three barrier categories. People develop all sorts of feelings about their self-worth and their capabilities in order to fortify their antipathy towards trying. Usually, the belief is cast in one of three forms.

       There she was, a middle-aged woman with her husband, sitting across my conference table, rambling on and on about the cruises they took two weeks out of every year. They were the highlights of her life. The rest of each year she worked at an upscale apparel store where, she boasted, the clerks did not have to work but did it to avoid boredom and take advantage of the employee discounts, driving cars that put customer vehicles to shame.

       Except her, of course. She worked to accumulate enough money for her once-a-year cruise and to live the rest of the year in fantasy through the exalted stations of her co-workers.

       Very shallow, I thought inwardly, and a classic example of misguided perspective and vicarious living. There is something basically wrong when a pleasure substitute becomes the end goal and all systems are focused on attaining that, to the detriment of daily living.

       I suppose there are those who would dispute my assertion and point out that the woman had a constructive goal and that she was engaged in gainful employment that served others, compared to someone who relied upon welfare and traded in food stamp currency or to someone whose low self-worth made him or her sit morosely most of the day at home, too despondent to get up and get on with a more constructive life.

       Perhaps so, and if so, it still makes my point. There is a degree nature to everything. It is too easy to fall into the trap of thinking that any goal you choose is to be preferred over choosing not to try for an objective.

       So let me pursue the degree nature of goals and effort. That cruise-oriented clerk spent 96 of her worktime accumulating the money that would enable her to spend the other 4 on the high seas. Was that the best use of her talents? And how did that relate to a second purpose mission in the cosmic scheme?

       Knock it off, I am sure someone will tell me. My premise would also condemn an Olympic swimmer who trains for years for a five-minute shot at the gold. What is so different from striving for a ride on the water once a year?

       What is so different is the degree nature of the thing. An athletic goal is most often a way station that leads to a career or strengthens character. It is of limited duration, not a lifelong obsession, and eventually becomes subordinate to other pursuits. It is more a stepping stone to another vocation than a millstone comprised of ninety-six parts vicarious living and four parts pleasure substitute.

       What it boils down to is balance and perspective. There is nothing wrong with pursuing pleasure provided it does not become the tail that wags the dog.

       Let me give you a contrasting example. A woman I know well had a schedule, when I first met her, that would have floored most people. It took me a while to figure out why it did not do her in.

       She would get up at 6AM, and after seeing her youngest daughter off, drive for a half-hour to the elementary school where she worked as a librarian.

       After work, it was another half-hour drive home, a quick snack, and then to her office, which at first consisted of half of her bedroom, where she worked until almost 2AM in the morning, methodically building what has turned out to be a very successful business. Then it was four hours sleep and the routine started all over again.

       Week after week of the same demanding regimen, yet she seemed to thrive on it. I couldn't figure it out at first. Why wasn't she paying a high price for such a frenetic schedule and so much sleep deficit?

       After a while, I found the reason, if you want to call it that, and it furnishes a lesson that everyone should take to heart.

       She loved what she was doing and did not consider either her business or her job as work in the traditional sense. After her first marriage ended, and she was left with the task of raising her fourth child alone, and supporting herself and her daughter without any outside help, and after working through the obligatory negative emotions and states, she had set her goals and had started toward them in unswerving fashion.

       Every morning, when she woke to start her routine, she was genuinely excited and passionate about the dual opportunity to teach and to run a business. She truly loved working with children at her rural school district, and she was elated at the manner in which her corporation was growing.

       Productive effort toward a defined goal feeds upon itself. It increases the energy level and gives you ample drips of euphoria and large shots of satisfaction. The process itself was a pleasure producer that outdistanced any alternative pleasure equivalent.

       So we are looking at two women who each had goals and strove towards them.  

       One sustained her clerking chores by doting on the status of her co-workers so that she could bask in the sun and overeat in unending fashion for 1/25th of each year, treating the rest of her life as an afterthought.  

       The other found intense satisfaction from working two careers in tandem with no hint of being rent asunder, loving almost every minute of every day.

        Which one had the healthier attitude?